The Green Son
by AlyssPotter
Summary: There was a reason Peter was chosen by the spider, and a reason for his affinity with animals-all it took was a gargantuan green man throwing him into a building and claiming to be his father to realize it.
1. Christmas Colors

**A/N**

 **Sooooooo...here's another story I started ;) Enjoy!**

 **Summary: There was a reason Peter was chosen by the spider, and a reason for his affinity with animals-all it took was a gargantuan green man throwing him into a building and claiming to be his father to realize it.**

 **Chapter 1**

 **Christmas Colors**

It had been a normal day-well, as normal as a spider-mutated-super-teen's day could get. Peter had cleaned his room (for once), and driven Aunt May to the airport. She was flying out to California to visit some distant relative that Peter wasn't even aware existed. He sounded like a cool guy, though, from what Aunt May had told him. The dude was practically a genius.

Aunt May had been disappointed when Peter said he couldn't go, and to be honest, so was he, but crime never rested. Heh, he sounded like one of those cheesy old Captain America posters.

After dropping her off and making sure she got on her flight safely, Peter drove to the grocery store and picked up enough food to last him a week, then raced home and shoved it all in the fridge.

Thankfully, his high school had a week long break, and Peter was planning to spend it all as your friendly neighborhood webslinger. Which was why it was prudent to stock up while he still had enough energy to do so. Quickly checking to make sure the house was locked, Peter skateboarded to an abandon warehouse he'd found earlier that week and changed personas, hiding his civilian cloths behind a rusted truck. With a shout of joy, Spiderman flung himself into the air, relishing in the familiar rush of air that always accompanied his spandex activities. Wow, that sounded really wrong. Meh.

Compared to most days, this one was pretty tame; only two robberies, a bank heist, and five attempted muggings. All in all, Peter was feeling pretty proud of his city. He even got free food after a stopped house fire (that peach cobbler was almost as good as Aunt May's!) and spent most of the day randomly flinging himself across the sky and observing the urban 'wild life'.

With the police radio hooked up to his handy-dandy SHIELD issued communicator ("We can't have a teenager flying around the city pretending to be a superhero without supervision!" Nick Fury had informed him when the arachnid questioned the decision. Peter decided not to ask anymore questions, after that), the red-and-blue clad teen had settled down on the top of an unused crane-he and the construction boys had a pretty good relationship-a few hours ago, sunbathing and enjoying the light snooze.

Naturally, trouble chose that moment to strike in the shape of a fun-sized green problem. The loud roar startled Peter from his much needed sleep, and he nearly rolled off the edge of the crane. Taking several deep breaths to calm his frayed nerves, Peter stood up and jumped off the yellow pole, launching his webshooters and swinging towards the disturbance; geez, he could almost hear Nick Fury's voice saying that in his head. 'Get going, Spiderman, there's a disturbance down on 5th. Don't you dare be late!'

...Perhaps he had better take a break from SHIELD before he developed a Hill voice too.

Upon turning another corner, Spiderman nearly stopped, groaning and face palming. So it was gonna be one of _those_ days.

With a thump, Spiderman landed on the ground, releasing his web fluid and turning to face the problem. One that promised him a lot of possible future pain.

"Looook big guy, why don't we all calm down," Spiderman spread his hands placatingly, crouched in front of the Policemen as a human shield. In front of him stood a growling Hulk, his muscled chest heaving with anger and misplaced aggression. The green man roared, grabbing a discarded car and crushing it between one fist.

Spiderman chuckled nervously, flinching as the car was flung inches above his head. "Cmon Hulk, you know Fury hates it when you destroy stuff."

"FUUUURRRRRYYYYY!" The Hulk roared, pounding his fist on the concrete and creaking craters in the road. Spiderman's eyes widened as the Hulk charged towards him, flinging a web and launching himself at the beast, his feet firmly connecting with the solid mass. "So I'm guessing Fury is a sore subject," the arachnid commented as the Hulk stumbled back.

The green man bared his teeth, howling another "FURY!" angrily. Spiderman landed on the side of a building, scratching his head. The Policemen (and woman) had long since fled, leaving Spidey to take care of the mess. Gee, thanks fellers! Nice to know you've got my back.

"Ok, no F-eye patch man. What did he do to make you so mad? Did he restrict your red meat again? Not that you really need anymore anyways," he quipped, swinging around the Hulk and hooking his legs around the giant man's neck.

"Spidey let Hulk go!" Hulk growled, grabbing the red spandex hero by the legs and holding him upside down. Spiderman gulped as he was held eye level to the green eyed creature. "Uhhhh, bad-" the Hulk flung Spiderman into the adjacent building, the toss knocking him through several walls (thank goodness they were doing a restoration-drywall was nowhere near as painful as solid brick) where he finally landed on a wooden desk with a bang. "-idea," he finished, groaning as he sat up painfully. As was his luck, he'd landed on the same shoulder Electro had zapped the previous night, and the stitches had torn open (again).

A loud roar alerted him of the pressing problem and several crashes later had the Hulk standing in front of the hero. Peter scrambled up, fists automatically raising to face the heaving threat. His clenched muscles slowly relaxed as the moments passed and the Hulk made no move to attack him. "Uh, buddy?" He asked cautiously, dropping his guard and reaching out to his tentative friend.

Green eyes slowly rose from the ground to meet his, and Peter froze, his eyes tracing the tear that trekked down the angry creatures face. That-that was _not_ supposed to happen.

"Hulk? Are you-" he paused mid sentence as a large green hand placed itself on his shoulder. A sarcastic part of his mind idly commented on the irony of being squashed like a bug (he always attracted the worst luck).

"Son," Hulk nodded, gathering Spiderman in a hug and squeezing him tightly.

Spiderman's eyes bugged out more than usual as he squeaked out, "Son?!"

 **A/N**

 **Hope y'all liked! Shout out to whoever guesses what the chapter title meant ;)**

 **Kisses!**

 **Alyss**


	2. Jinxed It

**A/N**

 **HOLY FREAKIN COW! I told myself I wasn't gonna do as many authors notes as my other stories, but guys. Seriously. 19 reviews? Mother of Magpie Merlin, that's flippin fantastic!**

 **(Also, I realized I've been writing Spiderman, even though 'officially', it's Spider-Man. Which one do you guys prefer, 'cause I'm not gonna lie, writing Spiderman is just plain easier).**

 **Also SPOILERSPOILERSPOILER Spiderman's in Civil War AND I NEARLY HAD A HEART ATTACK! Good LORD my whole life has new MEANING! PETEEEERRRRR YAAAAAAAA! I MUST SEE IT!**

 **...now that I have properly expressed myself, here is chapter 2.**

 **Disclaimer: All rights go to Stan Lee**

 **Chapter 2**

 **Jinxed It**

Growling to himself, Spiderman shifted the heavy man he'd attached to his shoulder (in many ways, his webs were a lot like duct tape). His teeth felt like they were on fire with his incessant grinding as he swung around another corner. Not only was this painful, but the man's momentum kept threatening to throw them both into the adjacent buildings. They turned another corner and the man began to slip, the spare blanket Peter had found and wrapped around his waist beginning to slip off his prone form. Spiderman's arm automatically whipped up to steady the man-nobody needed to see that-and Peter was introduced to another fun form of agony; one armed swinging.

Spiderman groaned loudly, his shoulder largely protesting the abuse it was suffering. Why had Fury chosen today of all days to move the Helicarrier to the other side of town?

Several civilians had stopped to stare at the web-slinger open mouthed, pointing, and several began taking out their cameras. With a hiss, Spiderman began swinging them faster and higher, trying to avoid scrutiny. If Jameson suddenly started blathering about him being a kidnapper, he was gonna-welp. Never mind.

The man's face suddenly popped up on the giant tv screen Spiderman was passing, and Peter could practically feel the spit flying from JJJ's mouth.

"SPIDERMAN IS A MENACE! NOT ONLY IS HE TERRORIZING OUR CITY, BUT HE HAS THE GALL TO START KIDNAPPING NEW YORK'S VERY OWN CITIZENS! THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS, SPIDERMAN WAS SPOTTED JUST MINUTES AGO HOLDING A MAN HOSTAGE! WITNESSES GAVE EVIDENCE THAT THERE WAS YELLING ON THE SCENE AND THE HOSTAGE TRIED TO ESCAPE SPIDERMAN BUT WAS KNOCKED OUT! THE NEW YORK POLICE ARE ON THEIR WAY TO TAKE CARE OF THE SITUATION-"

Several loud gunshots echoed from the streets, and Spiderman yelped, shielding the man with his body and dropping to avoid the rain of bullets.

"Oh, my spider senses are tingling," Peter muttered sarcastically, mentally glowering at the nonexistent warning. Finally (nice going, Spidey sense) the tingling began at the back of his mind, and Spiderman flipped this way and that, flinging several more webs to keep the two airborne. Oh, joy. Just another day in the life of your favorite acrobatic spider-teen.

Several bullets narrowly missed his head, and Peter winced, dropping from the sky. "C'mon, guys, I thought we were past all this!" Spiderman complained, lightly landing on a lamppost with the man held securely with one hand. The thin metal warbled under his weight and Peter internally grimaced, a gloved hand gripping the metal, getting ready to jump again.

"SPIDER-MAN, PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!" The police captain yelled, and each member of the corps trained their gun on the teenager. The hero's eyes widened comically as he considered the situation, glancing at the man still slung over his shoulder.

"Um, that might be a little difficult, seeing as I'll end up dropping him the second I do that-" several gunshots whizzed by his head, and the spandex-covered hero yelped, carefully slinging the man around his neck and raising both of his hands. "Ok guys, geez, trigger happy much?"

"GET ON THE GROUND-"

"I'm going, I'm going, no need to yell!" Spiderman muttered, carefully jumping to the ground behind a police cruiser. The guns followed his movements, despite the civilian still passed out on his back-well, he wasn't really a civilian, seeing as he'd been attacking Peter just moments ago as a giant green rage monster, and-the, uh, other thing that he was not willing to think about at that very moment (hewasaParkerhewasaParkerhewasaParker).

"GET WHERE WE CAN SEE YOU!" The head police yelled again (great, now his hearing was failing him), and several guns clicked as the safeties were removed. Peter grimaced, the beginnings of a headache forming as his Spidey sense screamed at him to run away. Slowly, the hero grabbed the man, pulling off the webs, and lowering him to the ground.

"STOP MOVING!" The policemen yelled again, clicking off his own safety. Unlike some of the other cops, this man's hand was steady and unwavering. His skin was rough, and the callouses on his hands suggested he'd been going at this for a long time. Peter eyed him wearily, making sure to keep him in his line of sight as he ducked behind the cruiser.

"I'm just going to put him down," Spiderman said slowly, making his movements painfully obvious and sluggish. After securing the cloth tighter, double checking that the man was carefully propped up against the vehicle's tire, and out of harm's way, Spiderman stood up, cautiously walking around to the other side of the cruiser with his hands raised in the air. A crowd of civilians had gathered around the police car barrier, and several phones were raised to record the scene. Spiderman nearly sighed, trying very, very hard not to let his frustration show so that the cops wouldn't get any edgier. Trigger happy cops were not fun to deal with; yes, that was sarcasm, and yes, he spoke from experience.

"Look, Captain," Spiderman glanced at the man's badge, "Stacy, I didn't kidnap this man. He's in need of medical care, and I really need to get him there."

"We have men that can do that, Spiderman, there is no need for you to further his injuries by flying above rooftops," Stacy countered, gesturing to a medical team in the back of the Police huddle. One of the younger recruits even waved at Spiderman before his hand was slapped down by an older woman. Peter grinned, despite the situation.

The hero shifted slightly, carefully keeping every Policemen in his line of sight. The Hulk-man was still passed out-right now, that was probably a good thing-and Peter still hadn't gotten a chance to look him over. Really, the only thing he had noticed was the man's rather familiar brown hair. He wasn't quite sure how, if he woke up, he would react to the situation. For all he knew, he'd pop back into his 'other' form-best to just take him to SHIELD and let them deal with it. "Captain Stacy, I get that, but he's part of, um, a government association, so I need to get him back to their headquarters ASAP."

Stacy raised an eyebrow, catching a glimpse of the still unconscious civilian. "And which government organization would that be?"

"SHIELD," Spiderman answered, biting back yet another sigh at the look of confusion that passed over Stacy's face. "You know, that secret one that's pretty well known now because of the Avengers?"

Peter really hoped that that was true. He did not want to have another 'chat' with Fury about the importance of SHIELD security. The last one they'd had, he had ended up patrolling with Deadpool for a month; and the phobia of chimichangas that had resulted was totally justifiable.

...They _were_ public now...right?

"Ok, let's say that's true," Stacy replied, his gun still trained on the teenager, "then what do you have to prove that this man is a part of SHIELD and that they asked you to pick him up? And what exactly _happened_ to him?"

Spiderman frowned, trying to think of a good explanation. His mind cheerfully (annoyingly) informed him that there wasn't one that wouldn't compromise secret identities or SHIELD secrets. He sighed, loathing that stupid SHIELD contract he'd signed, shrugging his shoulders helplessly, "Classified?"

"I can't accept that as a reason," Captain Stacy said-wait, was that pity?-staring Spiderman in the eye. "We can work this out if you come with us; then you can prove that, as you say, you're not guilty."

The teenager shifted uncomfortably, his mind sifting through the multiple scenarios (he was not going down without a fight) before it caught on one very important fact. The civilian he was staring at raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Alright, I'll come with you and everything, but could you please get the civilians out of here so they don't get hurt?"

The cop raised his eyebrow, raising his gun a little higher, all former traces of sympathy disappearing. "I hope you realize how that sentence was very counterproductive. If having civilians around means you'll come with us quietly, it's a risk I'm willing to take."

"But that's against the law!" Spiderman protested, biting his lip angrily, "No matter what the situation, if there are guns involved, you're supposed to clear the area to avoid accidental casualties! I would've thought they covered that in cop-made-easy 101."

Captain Stacy shook his head, nodding to a cop holding handcuffs. The other cop stepped forward, quickly clipping the cuffs around the hero's wrists and pulling back, as if scared he would bite. "You're not a normal case, Spiderman, so I can't do that. I hope for both the civilians and your sake that you come quietly. You're under arrest for kidnapping, assault, and terrorizing the city of New York."

The arachnid rolled his eyes, biting his tongue to avoid the automatic retort that begged to make an appearance (and failed spectacularly). "Ya, and I'm Loki. C'mon, chief, even you can tell those are all far fetched."

"Are they?" the cop's eyebrow rose in question, the man himself taking a cautious step forward. "That's not the same story we've heard."

Spiderman huffed irritatedly, rolling his shoulder to try and counter the pain from a light bullet wound. After his numerous team-ups with the Avengers, he would've thought that the public would lay back a little, but nope. The tyranny was still coming full force. "No, actually, they're not. Seriously, me, a supervillain? This costume is just too fine for that-ya see this classy design?-and Jameson just loves to blather about other people's mistakes and spout slander."

"Nonetheless, you need to come with us," Stacy said grimly, keeping his gun trained on the vigilante and nodding to another cop. The burly man cracked his knuckles menacingly, carefully holstering his gun.

"So we're doing this the hard way," Spiderman muttered to himself, his muscles tensing in response. "What is with New Yorkers and making things so difficult?"

The policemen gave Spiderman a shark-like grin, assuming his lack of movement to be surrender. He stalked forward, and Peter did his best not to balk at the man's menacing frame; his muscles relaxed, and his eyes narrowed, watching for his weak spot. The burly cop finally stopped in front of him, smirking down at Spiderman and reaching for his handcuffs.

Spiderman didn't move, waiting until-there! He opened a gap in his guard, and Spiderman struck out, simultaneously snapping his handcuffs. The burly man fell to the ground, clutching his abdomen and Peter wasted no time webbing up barriers around the battle scene to protect the civilians from the ricochet. Bullets began raining down on him and Peter gritted his teeth, focusing on the task and trying to avoid the bullets at the same time; the cocoon of webbing was almost complete. If this was a video game, a little bubble would've popped up; new skill unlocked: multitasking! Speaking of which, if he forgot to turn in another chemistry lab, his teacher was going to murder him.

The hero bit back a yell as a bullet grazed his forearm; right, priorities. Now that the civilians were safe from harm, Spiderman easily took down the cops-webs only-taking care to trap their guns far away from their hands. All was going well-and then Aunt May called.

Spiderman groaned as the faint ringtone caught his attention, flipping the small device out from his boot pocket and holding it up to his ear. "Hey Aunt May!" Peter answered cheerfully, flipping over one of the men and knocking him out with a kick to the temple.

"Hello Peter, I just called to tell you that my flight landed safely," Aunt May smiled in California, gently hugging Peter's other Uncle. The man grinned roguishly, giving her a cheeky kiss on the cheek. May laughed, swatting the 40-ish-year-old's arm.

"That's great, Aunt May!" Spiderman dodged another barrage of bullets, using one hand to flip over and use one of the men as a springboard. A flurry of yells responded to the action as he swept his legs in a large arc, knocking out another five cops. "I'm glad you got there alright. There wasn't any trouble on the flight, was there? And that relative picked you up ok?"

"I'm fine, Peter," Aunt May answered fondly, frowning at the sounds coming through the phone. "And his name is-" another thud from Peter's end, "- _what_ on Earth are you doing? It sounds like you're in a fight, Peter!"

The hero winced from a combination of her intuition and the new shiner he'd acquired. "Uh, something like that. 'M playing a video game, no need to worry."

"I wish you wouldn't play such violent games," Peter cringed at the response, "But you're a teenager, I suppose it's only natural. Have you done your homework yet?"

"I'm still working on it," finally, Spiderman webbed the last guy down, "but I'm about done. I, ah, need to go Aunt May! Urgent business to attend to."

"Alright, alright, I know this old lady's such a bore to talk to-"

"-no you're not!-"

"-so I'll take my leave. I love you, Peter."

Peter grinned, webbing up another three guns, "I love you too, Aunt May. Be safe!"

The call ended with a click, and Spiderman carefully slid it back into his specially sewn boot pocket. Standing up, Peter surveyed the damage with a critical eye, nodding as he found each man and woman safely contained. He'd even taken special care not to knock out the recruit who'd waved at him earlier, and the young man was staring at him in awe from his cocoon. Peter waved at him, before turning back to the general cop-public.

"Well, I'd say it's been been fun, but it really wasn't," the vigilante announced, flipping over the cruiser and picking up the unconscious man once again. "I would love to stay and chat, but there's a little business that requires my attention-you know, the dude I didn't kidnap that needs a doctor. Sling ya later!"

Some of the barely conscious officers groaned as he flew off, and Peter frowned; the pun hadn't been _that_ bad.

* * *

Up on the Helicarrier, Nick Fury gazed at the multiple camera views displaying the situation. Parker had done better than he had expected; in fact, he'd contained the situation very nicely. If Fury was to rank him, he would've put him up at Captain America's level. That wasn't praise he gave easily.

Frowning, Fury sat back in his plush chair, curling his fingers around the armrests irritably. He'd need to have another talk with those cops-the fact that they had reacted so badly was worrying, as was their absolute distrust in Spiderman. Even he would grudgingly admit that the kid was doing good, despite his doing it against the law. But ever since he had become a part of SHIELD, everything he did was legal and commissioned by their branch of the government. His patrol's were strictly on his terms, but SHIELD still took responsibility for his actions-the kid had better not mess up.

The policemen should have been informed of this fact-them attacking the young hero was the same as attacking SHIELD itself, and he was not going to stand for it. If this turned out to be another Civil War, they sure as heck were gonna win (did they have former super assassins on their side? No, he thought not).

The door was flung against the wall with a bang and Fury tilted his head, glancing up at the strategically placed mirror. An eyebrow rose amusedly at the intrusion, even if it was expected (they'd already set up the containing unit-ahem, medical bay).

Spiderman stood fuming in the doorway, multiple bullet holes, scratches, and cuts littering his suit, and a snoring man wrapped in a blanket dangling in his arms bridal style. "You are going to explain what the Daredevil is going on. Now."

 **A/N**

 **Now it's time for the shout outs! To those of you who guessed the meaning of the chapter name last chapter:**

 **-I-am-a-Ice-cream-lover**

 **-starletzrose**

 **-Guest of honor**

 **-Mister k**

 **-Cashagon**

 **Congratulations! To everyone else, Christmas Colors was referring to Spiderman's red colored costume and the Hulk's naturally green form.**

 **Challenge! Guess the meaning behind this chapter's name and get a shout out! It's a little trickier than last chapter, and hint*has a double meaning (not the word, but something about the word...).**

 **Quick request: Please press the little box at the bottom? It would make my day, and this time, I'm aiming for 20 reviews (last chapter there were 19). It's a wish, but it would be really, really cool :)**

 **Kisses!**

 **Alyss**


	3. Rapid Revelations

**A/N**

 **Welcome...to chapter 3! (I know, it's long overdue). If it's any consolation, this chapter is twice as long since there was twice the wait ;) Lots of stuff been goin on, so I'm gonna make this short.**

 **I FINALLY SAW CIVIL WAR AND IT WAS AWESOME! There were a few things in there that made me a little mad, but the whole thing was SPECTACULAR! The Steve-Bucky friendship was so cute! It made me die a little inside when *SPOILER* they froze him again :(**

 **And I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEW SPIDERMAN MOVIE! The actor for Peter did an amazing job, I CAN'T WAIT!**

 **Anywho, here's the next chapter!** **Enjoy :)**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own…**

 **Chapter 3**

 **Rapid Revelations**

SHIELD was thrown into a state of orderly chaos. The Hulk-man was hurriedly strapped to a stretcher by several paramedics and whisked away. One of the younger doctors-probably an intern-gave Spiderman a quick once-over, cleaning and bandaging the most threatening wounds at Peter's consent. There were a few bullet wounds-mostly clean shots-but one stubborn piece of shrapnel was wedged in his shoulder. Glancing at Fury's passive, but uncomfortable face, he pulled his mask above his mouth, ripped off one of his gloves and shoved it between his teeth, nodding to the suddenly nervous adult. Long-story short, it was painful, there was cursing-Aunt May would've had his head-and then he was quickly bandaged up and given 7 painkillers (which still wore off really, really fast).

Finally, Spiderman was left alone with Fury; only his mask covered his massive scowl as he tapped his foot impatiently, arms crossed angrily. Fury's famous eye-patch came into view as he turned to stare Spiderman in the eyes-well, more like lenses, but whatever.

"Look, I know you have a lot of questions," Fury said cautiously, "and I will do my very best to answer them-but there are some things that are beyond your authority-"

"They shot at me!" Peter interrupted incredulously.

"I am aware of that, and we're doing our best to smooth the situation over-"

"They shot. At. Me."

"...Parker, calm down. We're doing our best right now, but you griping about your problems isn't gonna help anyone."

Peter snorted, leaning against the wall with a wince. "When you get shot at by the government, I'll be sure to let you know that it is _perfectly normal_. In fact, you should _encourage_ it! It does wonders for your body."

Frowning, Fury stared at the vigilante, wishing he'd taken the medical team's offer of an aspirin. This upcoming confrontation promised a prominent headache. "We have our best team looking into it, so right now the best thing you can do is lay low."

"Cause that's going to solve everything!" Peter threw his hands up in annoyance, wincing as he jarred his bullet wound. "Actually, while we're hashing it out, how about we talk about my father. Cause apparently, despite having believed so my entire life, it's not Richard Parker. I wonder, is Mary Parker even my mother? An even better question would be when you were thinking of actually telling me. Now now, let's not tell lies Nicky, because goodness knows you've already told enough of those," Peter added sarcastically.

Groaning, Fury pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his one good eye briefly. "Parker, we only just found out that the Hulk was your father, and we weren't intending on keeping it from you. We don't know much of the situation ourselves, and the little we do is highly classified-"

"He's my father. I don't think there's any better qualification," Peter growled, arms crossed intimidatingly. Fury sighed, sitting down on the plush chair behind his desk and gesturing for Spiderman to take the one opposite of him. He did so wearily, muscles still tensed. Wearily, Peter pulled off his mask and pushed his sweaty bangs out of his eyes, glancing around the bare room with a faint sense curiosity. He'd never been allowed in this room before, or rather, been able to _break into_ this room before.

It was, according to various flying rumors, Fury's personal office, but it was rather drab in Peter's humble opinion. Everything was done in neutral, conservative colors, equipped with only the essentials. Two chairs, a wooden desk, several weapons hanging on the wall, and a Stark monitor (Peter had a feeling Tony had added some of his own upgrades to the model). All in all, it was a rather annoying letdown. Ever since he'd learned about it, it had been Peter's life goal to make it in. Unfortunately, Spiderman's special abilities were common knowledge among SHIELD personnel, and he'd been thwarted at every attempt. The laughing gas had probably been the most memorable defense against him; it had taken over three hours to wear off, despite his accelerated metabolism. Peter had still broken out in random laughing fits when he'd gotten home a few hours after that-Aunt May had concernedly asked him if everything was alright.

Fury sighed, guilt tearing at him as he stared at the teenager, "There's a lot to get through, and I'm warning you now that there are even things I don't know, so I can't get you a full account until Mr. Ba-your dad wakes up. Let's start at the very beginning."

"A very good place to start," Peter hummed, the tension seeming to leak out of his body. Carefully keeping his shoulder in place, Peter leaned back in the chair with a groan as his back popped satisfyingly. Fury resisted the urge to roll his eyes-well, rather eye-and pulled out a well-worn manilla file. He held it out to the young hero, who grabbed it and began flipping through it curiously. A few minutes passed, and the super spy began to feel an annoyed twitch forming in his eye. Fury cleared his throat pointedly, and Peter paused, giving Fury a sheepish grin.

"You already know that he's the Hulk; so, thankfully, the worst of it is out of the way. His name is-well, I'll let him tell you that. Born December 18, 1969. His childhood...wasn't the greatest. His father was an atomic physicist, but was thrown into a psychiatric institute once it was found out that he had killed his own wife. With an action like that, you can probably guess to his behavior towards you father. The rest of his childhood was filled with bullying, which eventually pushed him to build a bomb and plant it under his school. It was, thankfully, a dud, and he was expelled, though the military took notice in his genius. Your father was an exceptionally smart man, even at a young age, and was quickly recruited by the military once he'd finished his doctorate in nuclear physics at Harvard.

While working on a project, he had a, well, accident, you could say, that eventually turned him into the Hulk. The gamma rays from the project infected him, and it was this that changed his body's chemistry. But enough about that, I'm sure," A loud explosion shook the room, "he'll tell you plenty about that later."

Peter blinked a few times, noting the Director's slightly tensed expression. "What was that?"

"When the Hulk decided to make an appearance," the spy's neutral expression twitched, " he damaged a few of our containing units, nothing harmful."

"...that can be harmful," Peter muttered, wondering why Fury wasn't more concerned.

Clearing his throat, Fury continued, "He's one of the top scientists at SHIELD, but doesn't work with us very often for fairly obvious reasons. His residence up until the the Avenger's was primarily in Asia, after the Harlem incident, though he never stayed in one place for more than a few years, from what our intelligence has gathered. He's mostly been under the radar, though that all changed with the Tesseract incident, which I'm sure you remember."

"Obviously," Peter muttered.

"After that, it's pretty common knowledge, much of which you've been there for," Fury concluded, sitting back in his chair.

Peter shifted in his chair, biting his lip as he looked up at Fury. "Do you have any idea who my, my mother is-was? Was it Mary Parker?"

"We have a few...theories going around, though we won't have a definite answer until we conduct several blood tests and get the information from your dad himself. I wouldn't want to give you false hope."

Peter nodded, flipping through the file once again and staring at his dad's face. It was different than his own father's in many ways-but at the same time, it felt like he understood who he was for the first time.

After some time, Fury leaned forward, clasping his hands on the desk. "Parker, I hope you understand that we were not going to keep the information from you. We only managed to break the news to your father before his little friend decided to make an appearance and destroy the western wing of the ship."

Peter snorted, "Ya, I saw that when I was swinging in; though I thought it was just another super villain escapade."

"Often times, the Hulk can give off that impression," Fury conceded, leaning back in his chair and glancing at a monitor. A smile twitched at his lips and Peter suddenly felt an air of impending doom.

"Well, seems like your old man is finally waking up-feeling up for a visit?"

* * *

Groaning, Bruce Banner came into awareness, squinting his eyes at the fluorescent light on the bedside table. Blinking rapidly to clear his blurry vision, he propped himself onto his elbows.

This place was unnervingly...familiar. That could only mean one thing; he was back in SHIELD custody. Oh, great, just where he wanted to be at the moment.

Thin white sheets were tangled around his torso, and the genius took a moment to huff angrily, mentally berating the Hulk for causing yet another mess. It wasn't exactly cheap when he broke Harlem (SHIELD was still paying off his debts), and he most certainly did not appreciate the Hulk 'protecting him', usually at the worst possible times.

Slowly, he allowed his gaze to sweep over the room, mentally noting the seven video cameras and the 'hidden' microphones. How annoying.

Bruce jumped as his eyes came in contact with a teenaged boy casually leaning against the wall. Peter grinned weakly, throwing up a peace sign. "Yo, pops."

Bruce stared at Peter blankly for a few minutes before flopping back on the single pillow, groaning and covering his face. "It is way too early for this."

Peter snorted, propping an elbow against the wall with a wince, "You're telling me."

Sighing heavily, Bruce took a moment to calm the rage swimming in his head before he slowly sat back up, staring at his son- _his son_.

It was almost like staring into a mirror-granted, at a way younger version of himself. He had the same brown hair, jawline, and lean frame. His nose was slightly crooked, like Bruce's, and his mouth was also similarly shaped. His eyes were a slight bit bigger than his and more of a hazel than Bruce's dark brown-most likely his mother's-and the confident posture he was supporting was the complete opposite of Bruce's nervous twitches.

"So...this is awkward," Peter offered, shifting and standing up straight. "I guess we should...introduce ourselves?"

Bruce grinned, holding out a bandaged hand for Peter to shake. The teenager obliged, quickly walking over to the bed. "'M Peter Parker."

"Bruce Banner, and I'm your father...apparently."

Peter's eyes widened slightly and he gaped at the man in awe. That was all the warning Bruce got before the teenager opened his mouth. " _The_ Bruce Banner? Quantum Physics Bruce Banner, Tony Stark's fellow scientist Bruce Banner, creator of the-"

"Er, yes," Bruce coughed awkwardly, a warm feeling blooming in his chest at Peter's blatant adoration. "Yes, that's me-you can just call me Bruce, if you want."

Peter beamed, leaning over to fluff Bruce's pillow. "Sure thing, Bruce! Urgh, that sounds so weird, I feel so old when I say that. Hmmm, we're not quite past the get-to-know-one-another phase, so I think dad would be a little too much for you," Peter contemplated, tapping a finger against his chin and trying not to laugh at Bruce's rapidly paling face. "Sooooo would it be ok if I called you pops? I'm gonna call you pops, and it would honestly make my day if you liked soda. You know, because some people call soda 'pop'; hehe, sorry, that was a bit random. But you do like soda, right? Are you a Coke person? Oh my god, please tell me you are not a Pepsi-person, because Coke is a thousand times better."

Bruce stared at Peter wide eyed, rubbing that back of his neck uncomfortably, "I suppose Coke is good?"

In a flash, Peter leaned forward and hugged Bruce, disappearing so fast Bruce wondered if he had imagined it. The tell-tale grin dominating his facial features said otherwise.

"You and I are going to get along brilliantly," Peter declared, plopping down in the doctor's chair perched beside his bed. Bruce strained to turn his neck to look at the teenager, waving away Peter's offered hand as he attempted to sit up. With a sigh, he collapsed back onto the pillows, holding out his arms. He felt more than saw Peter grip his forearms and pull him up, producing 3 more pillows from seemingly thin air and tucking them underneath his head.

He shifted around a few times, before finally finding a comfortable position with Peter barely in view. Honestly, the teenager was taking this much better than Bruce had-although to be fair, he didn't turn into a giant green-rage monster every time something upset him.

"So, um, how did you find out about the whole-," Bruce waved his hand, awkwardly broaching the elephant in the room.

"-The whole thing about you being my father and my real parents being my not real parents? You told me," Peter tilted his head innocently, leaning the chair back on two legs. If Bruce didn't know any better, he would've said the suspicious gleam in Peter's eyes was borderline mischievous.

"...I told you," Bruce asked warily, internally panicking. Had the Hulk just stormed into Peter's school and declared his father-ship? Because A, there would be kidnappers and assassins attacking Peter left and right, and B, he did not have the budget to rebuild an entire school.

"Yep," the brunet nodded, rocking the chair back and forth, trying to balance it on one leg. Bruce instinctually reached over and grabbed the teenagers leg, bringing all four legs safety back to the floor. Peter pouted, sticking his tongue out and folding his arms. "You came up to me, big, green, and all, and yelled 'I am your father,' which was a total Darth Vader moment-never thought I'd have one of those. Speaking of which, have you seen the new-"

"Hold on," Bruce held up a hand, his eyes widening in alarm. "I just came up to you on the street and told you-"

"More like roared," Peter offered, still nodding as be began swinging his legs back and forth.

"-that the Hulk was your father. I just said that in the middle of the street, where everyone could hear, that you were my, my son and just- _why are you still nodding_?"

Peter winced, rubbing the back of his neck in a similar way that Bruce had been minutes ago. "Well, it wasn't exactly like that, and I'm fairly sure no one overheard you, soooo no need to worry about that!"

"...What do you mean 'no one would have overheard me?'" Bruce asked suspiciously, narrowing his eyes as the teenager bit his lip. It may not have seemed like it-good lord, now he was insulting himself-but he had been a teenager himself not too long ago. The look Peter was supporting was suspiciously similar to the guilty face Bruce himself would have when ever he lied to his mom.

"Because no one would've-but hey, did you hear that Spiderman was the one that brought you here?" Peter asked hastily, desperately trying to change the subject.

Bruce raised an eyebrow, mentally noting to thank the young hero next time he saw him-or rather, when the Hulk next saw him. "That was kind of him. Wait, how would he-oh no, no no no, don't tell me-"

"You kinda, um, _shrunk_ after you finished announcing your parenthood, so you were more fun-sized; much easier to carry, if you know what I mean."

Groaning, the newly-appointed father massaged his temples, glancing at Peter anxiously. The teenager continued to swing his legs happily, like the world was made up of sunshine and daisies, and Fury was the Easter Bunny. Ok, weird image. Bruce shook his head several times, shivering from the terrifying picture forming in his mind.

Unfortunately, Bruce's life seemed determined to go downhill, reality or not as his 'new' son held a phone in front of his face. It was like Peter was the harold of bad news. Literally.

"Oh, and you also made the news-congrats!"

Blinking rapidly, Bruce stared at the small screen in horror, wordlessly mouthing as J Jonah Jameson ranted about the Hulk's danger to humanity.

"HE'S A THREAT TO SOCIETY! IT LOOKS LIKE HE AND THAT WALL-CRAWLING MENACE _SPIDERMAN_ ARE IN CAHOOTS! I WOULDN'T DOUBT IT FOR A SECOND! SPIDERMAN HAS EVEN MANAGED TO TURN AN AVENGER," for some reason, Peter winced guiltily, "DOWN THE PATH OF EVIL! THE POLICE JUST MANAGED TO STOP THE TWO OF THEM BEFORE MORE DAMAGE WAS DONE, BUT WHO'S TO SAY THEY WON'T DO IT AGAIN?"

Hurriedly, Peter turned off his phone, laughing sheepishly. "Um, maybe I should've just showed you the other one. I promise it was good-like, not as good as Loki on a good day, but not as bad as Loki on a bad day."

"...That didn't really make me feel better."

Peter rubbed the back of his neck embarrassedly. "Yes, well, I've been told by several sources that my comforting skills need practice."

Bruce grinned nervously, tucking his arms carefully around his stomach. He felt like he was going to be sick from nerves. "And you're not, _afraid_ , of me?"

Peter stared at Bruce for a few seconds-then he leaned back with a snort. Another giggle escaped his lips and then Peter laughed, straight up _laughed_ , laughing until he was hunched over and gasping for breath, like it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. Bruce stared, a slight frown tugging at his lips; he failed to find anything amusing about that statement. Finally, the teenager sat up, wiping tears of mirth out of his eyes and leaning back in the chair. "Uh, sorry-you just have no idea how hilarious that was."

"I think I have a faint idea," Bruce said with a raised eyebrow. To be honest, this situation was freaking him out more than it should've. Peter's approval meant the world to him, even though he'd only met him about 20 minutes ago.

"Anyways, since you're, you know, my father, I figured you should've already known that I wasn't afraid of you-also, you've been my idol since, like, before I knew what an idol was. Both Bruce Banner and the Hulk who both me and my da-Richard Parker thought were cooler than Tony Stark."

Blinking several times, Bruce stared at the teenager, wondering just what the kid had said to Fury to let him in here, and how Tony would react to such a comment (honestly, he was going to have to get Natasha to take pictures for him).

* * *

Time seemed to fly after that. Bruce and Peter got along better than Bruce could have ever hoped for-it felt like he was living in a dream. It felt liberating to be able to share his life stories with someone he could trust completely, and who wasn't scared of who he was. In turn, Peter also shared some rather interesting stories, and his several encounters with the Hulk himself. Honestly, Peter seemed to have worse luck than him! There were holes in some of Peter's stories, places where he'd hesitate, but Bruce didn't feel like ruining the first positive human relation he'd ever had (and no, Tony didn't count-the man seemed to be more like an evil genius robot than human).

And then it happened. The entire Helicarrier shook, and then the door to Bruce's cell-ahem, hospital room-exploded inwards. Bruce's arms shot up, protecting his face from the flying debris. Coughing, the scientist, glanced to where Peter had been sitting. Both boy and the chair were gone.

There was a flurry of shouts and yells, and the two SHIELD agents that had been guarding Bruce's room came flying through the door, knocked unconscious. A man in a bulletproof vest holding a massive machine gun came barging in, shouting at the top of his lungs. "GIVE ME FURY AND NO ONE WILL-"

He was cut off as a foot shot out and hit him in the head. As he stumbled backwards, a fist hit him, and he fell backwards. With a scream of anger, he began shooting randomly, hollering for justice. Then a chair came flying down from the ceiling, knocking him out.

Blinking at the bizarre turn of events, Bruce glanced up at the ceiling. His jaw dropped.

Crouching on the ceiling, upside down, and looking very pleased with himself was Peter. The boy caught his eye and waved cheerily, smiling like this was an ordinary occurrence.

After Bruce had felt he had spent enough time gaping like a fish, he struggled to splutter out a few jumbled sentences. "What is-how, I don't-"

Suddenly Peter slapped his forehead, seeming to realize the situation. "You didn't see anything," the teenager said in a convincing voice, waving his hand like a Jedi.

Bruce continued to stare as his mind whirred in chaos. Peter frowned, realizing his amazing Padawan skills had failed.

"Well, since you're my dad, an avenger, and a genius, I might as well tell you," Peter sighed dramatically, spreading his arms and hopping down from the ceiling. "I...am _Spiderman_." For a few moments, all there was was silence. Peter stood with his arms outstretched, beaming, as if he hadn't just told Bruce that he spent his free time dodging bullets. The man blinked a few times, staring at the teen, before his eyes were drawn to several discrepancies he hadn't noticed before.

Peter was favoring his left leg, and his shoulders were slightly hunched forward, as if in pain. Several scars, invisible to all eyes but Bruce's keen ones, littered his skin, and a slight lump under his sweater provided evidence of heavy bandages.

And then, by some cruel twist of fate, the edge of Peter's ratty grey hoodie rode up to reveal a very familiar red-and-blue spandex suit. And, for the second time that day, Bruce's eyes rolled back into his head as he fainted.

 **A/N**

 **...This took waaaaaay longer to write than I intended it to...but, you know, life. Hope you enjoyed!**

 **And finally, the challenge! I intended for the title to mean...well, I actually can't remember what I originally wanted it to mean (it was so long ago), but it basically refers to all the things that ended up jinxing Peter.**

 **Title winners:**

 **Capricon Aquarius FOZ**

 **Cashagon**

 **Rachel**

 **I haven't really been answering to reviews (I'M SORRY!), so please understand that I'm really flattered by all of your positive comments *beams* It really makes my day! There were a few I really felt needed to be addressed because I wasn't really clear in the story.**

 **PipeDream Q: Wait...if the avengers are already well known (even is shield isn't) then wouldn't they know about the Hulk? Couldn't he just explain that this was the hulk and he wasn't sure what would happen when he woke up? Why go to all that trouble?**

 **A: Nobody knew the Hulk actually had another form (except SHIELD and a few others) in this story-verse. So even if Peter told the truth, nobody would believe him. Thanks for the great question!**

 **I-am-a-Ice-cream-lover** **Sort-of Q: Great chapter! I especially liked Peter's multitasking, the phone was awesome. But I was kind of sad that Capt. Stacy was a bad guy (saying peter had to prove he's not guilty, which is totally illegal, in addition to his disregard for public safety) :'(**

 **A: Don't worry, he'll soon 'see the light' (I'm really sorry, that was a totally lame Young Justice reference ;) But I really needed for the cops to not be on Peter's side (yet), and Captain Stacy is one of my favorite characters-and this also kinda ties into the first Amazing Spiderman movie when the cops were shooting at Spiderman. And a bunch of other plot things I haven't fully planned out...But I'm glad you're enjoying this so far :)**

 **And finally,** **Whitewolf7410** **I hope you feel better!**

 **Also guys THOSE REVIEWS! SO MANY! Made me cry tears of joy :)**

 **Guess what this chapter's title meant (which, BTW, isn't that bad...and also wasn't that great on my part)! R &R ;)**

 **Kisses!**

 **Alyss**


	4. That Beatnik Lifestyle

**A/N**

 **Why is it we say the phrase "Waffling around"?**

 **Disclaimer: If I did own...you'd know.**

 **Chapter 4**

 **That Beatnik Lifestyle**

"Fwoop, swoop, pow! Do do do do BAM! ShaaaaaaaZAM!"

Spiderman swung around the corner, casually webbing another cursing villain to the wall with an exaggerated sound effect and an unnecessary flip. Several armed SHIELD agents ran past him, guns locked and loaded and all conversing on comm links.

He wondered how Bruce was doing-after all, it wasn't everyday you found out you had a son, much less one that was a teen aged vigilante wearing nothing more than padded spandex to fight crime everyday.

Wow. It sounded a lot worse when he said it like that. Maybe he should start looking into some upgrades.

Whistling, he swung down a silent corridor, the overhead light flickering as he dropped to his feet.

"Well, if that's not a sign, I dunno what is," Peter muttered, cautiously moving down the hall.

Up ahead, a door was slightly ajar, letting out the faint clicking of keys and screech of metal on metal. Tensing, Peter, slipped inside, taking in the medical room with caution. A figure was moving around from behind a hastily constructed screen around a large computer, what looked like tentacles waving about behind him.

Relaxing just barely, Spiderman called out, "Hey Ock, it's you!"

The figure swung around, accidentally clawing down the curtains. "Man, it's been a while," Spiderman continued, casually flouncing over to the villain, muscles still tensed. "How's prison treating you? Can't say I've had much experience with it."

Dr. Octopus snarled, his four arms clenching up behind him. "Spiderman. Just the arachnid I was looking for. How does it-mph!"

"Feeling chatty today?" Spiderman asked, swinging up to the ceiling as Ock furiously ripped the webbing off his mouth and took a swipe at him. "Aw, I thought we were getting better! I sent you a birthday card and everything."

"After you left me in this god-forsaken place," Ock swiped at him again, his other three arms propelling him forwards. Launching another web, the hero swung around Ock, landing on the ground and launching two webs at his legs with identical fwips from his web shooters. With a shout, the evil scientist fell to the floor, his arms quickly tied up by mass amounts of webbing.

Spiderman tilted his head to the side. "That was a lot easier than I remembered it being. What gives?"

Ock laughed, "Because I had no intention of beating you, Spiderman. I merely created the necessary distraction."

"Well that's just rude," Spiderman huffed, "I can't believe that you would insinuate that I was easily distracted. I'm always ready-all the time. Anyways, skipping to the point-no, that does not prove anything, I'm just bored with talking-why, exactly, would you want to be captured? I'm pretty sure it wasn't to hang out with me."

The scientist laughed, subtly whirling a single claw to cut through the webbing. "For the others escape-I had no intention of beating you. This is beyond just a mere human being like you, Spiderman."

"You say that every time, and yet here I am, still witty and good looking." Bowing, Spiderman posed dramatically while subtly switching on his communicator. The lack of uber villain siting warnings was somewhat ominous. "Besides, you know I'm not the only one working to stop you guys, right? I mean, I'm awesome, but not that awesome."

"Not for much longer," Ock smirked, using Spiderman's moment of confusion to finish cutting through the webbing and launch himself at the arachnid.

Said arachnid yelped, twisting sideways and throwing himself to the ground to avoid four whirling blades aimed for his body. "Oh come on man! Leave the face alone."

Quickly, he rolled to his feet, tensed and ready for another fight, and thusly was confused as the Supervillain all but ignored him and rattled down the hallway.

"H-hey! Come back here, I'm not done talking!" Spiderman sprinted after the rapidly disappearing metal arms, launching himself into the air and smoothly firing off a web line.

Swinging aggressively down the corridors and narrowly avoiding several SHIELD personnel, he quickly analyzed the route, noting with a sinking feeling that they were headed for the Hulk zone-the obliterated western wing. Thinking fast, Spiderman flipped on the comm on his SHIELD issued watch, smirking a little at Fury's disgruntled appearance.

"Now is not the time, Parker-"

"Doc Ock is headed for the western wing of the ship; you need to get your people out of there now, I'm almost there."

Fury frowned up at the teenager, his voice the ever no-nonsense sort of tone. "We added additional security for this exact reason, Spiderman, we knew it was a weakness before the prison break even occurred. Right now you're needed by the barracks, there's a team backed in that could use your help."

"No, you're wrong." He was only a little gleeful he finally got to say that. This was a serious matter, after all. "Ock mentioned some sort of plan, which usually means bad news for us. There's gonna be a lot of high-profile villains there. I'm on my way now, but you need to alert anyone's who's left to get out."

Sighing, Fury glared at Spiderman, "Did it ever occur to you, kid, that SHIELD is the best anti-terrorist operation in the world? Those operatives knew exactly what they were getting into when they signed up for this organization, and right now, they are doing their jobs."

"But-"

"No buts, Parker, do not question my authority. They will be fine, you're needed elsewhere. Now get moving, and not towards the western wings."

The screen fizzled to black, and Spiderman snarled. It didn't matter what they had signed up for, he could help them, and from the sounds of it, Fury already had another team heading towards the one in the barracks.

"Good thing you never had kids Fury, I don't think you could handle the disobedience," Spiderman muttered, swinging in the exact direction he was told to avoid. Meh, who wasn't a fan of a little teenage rebellion, anyways?

The hanger was silent when Peter arrived, save the whispering hum of a SHIELD jet. Carefully, he peaked his head around the corner, letting out a quiet breath of relief as he saw the agents Fury had said "would be fine" knocked out and only mildly injured.

Rolling his shoulders, the teen aged hero slipped inside the hangar doors, throwing himself behind a fuel box. Stealthily, he crawled closer to the hovering plane, eyeing the empty hangar with suspicion. Things were definitely a little too quiet, considering the mass exodus of criminals who were most likely aboard the shuttle.

There was a loud thud from inside the vehicle, followed by an explosive curse. Peter bit his lip to stop the snicker from coming out, imagining one of the criminals stubbing his or her toe on the ship. Speak of the villain and they shall appear.

Glancing around the ship, his keen eyes noticed a small port located at the top of the ship-a necessity as many of the SHIELD commissioned heros tended to fly or fall on top of them. Perfect.

Sliding a little closer, he jumped onto the wall, crawling across the roof until he was directly over the port. The identity scanner was a few feet lower, and, carefully, he lowered himself until he was close enough for it to identify him. A small green light lit up, and Spiderman grinned, letting himself drop through the hatch as it whirred open.

A loud yelp sounded as he landed in the pitch black room. Peter winced as the light flickered on, revealing a snarling group of villains looming over him.

Waving sheepishly, Spiderman managed to squeak out a small 'hello' before yelping as both his ankles were seized.

"Hey!" he flailed his arms as the nondescript crooks (Peter had a feeling he's had a hand in a few of their capture's, judging by the menacing glares he was receiving) hauled him upwards, except not in the traditional sense.

"C'mon guys, that was so rude," Spiderman complained, crossing his arms as he hung upside down from the villains marching him to the front of the ship, tensing his legs to avoid swinging around. He could probably escape in two seconds flat-these weren't the brightest of villains-but he had no idea who else was on the ship. If Ock was part of the crew, well, there was probably someone else a little higher up than him on board as well. He needed to know who was a part of this group before they began scheming, or whatever it was villains did in their planning sessions. A slightly jolt told him the ship was beginning its standard take-off procedures.

...Escape it was.

"The blood doesn't rush to my head, you know, since I'm a spider," Peter said conversationally, casually avoiding the numerous glares as he glanced around the interior discretely. It looked to be a standard model, probably one of Tony Stark's designs, judging by the coffee machine in the corner. Five access points, then: the one he'd come through, the hanger door at the rear, two side panels, and the ejection pod at the front. They'd already passed the first exit, so it was probably in his best interest to escape at the next one.

Would he lose this oh-so-wonderful chance to figure out who was in charge? Yes, but being captured was most likely worse, especially with the sheer number of villains in the near vicinity. And while Peter was itching with curiosity and anxious to find the head masterminds, doing so by himself was probably a no-no. Right then.

"Bye," Peter waved at the confused crooks, allowing his feet to un-tense so he could slip out of his boots. He immediately rolled under the biggest thugs legs, laughing at his stupefied expression as he stood there holding two smelly boots, which Peter jauntily yanked out of his grasp as he flipped over him using his broad shoulders as a springboard. "See ya, big guy," he saluted, smirking as he made a mad dash for the door amidst the panicked yelling. Ending it right there would have been an immensely satisfying end to the day for Peter. Really, the highlight of his waking moments.

Except, the most gratifying part of his day happened seconds later when he ran straight into Electro and knocked the surprised man out with said smelly boots. There was a brief moment of silence in which Peter's brain carefully analyzed the situation, before both left and right quadrants agreed on the correct course of action.

"HA!" Peter crowed, doing a little jig, "serves you right, you happy zapper! So you can dish it out, but you can't take the heat? Bet you weren't expecting Chef Spidey to knock you down a few pegs, were you? In your big blue face!"

Was he being petty? Well, yes. The electric burn from his last encounter with the man was still smarting.

Of course, all good things have to come to an end. So was Spidey's impromptu dance party when the incompetent dirty work crew (aka the henchmen) finally showed up, huffing and puffing like running wasn't part of their job description. Peter had it on high authority that it was.

The clicking of several guns snapped him back to the moment with harsh clarity, and he sidestepped several rather good shots before punching the access code to the exit. It quickly slid open with a hiss, letting in the howling wind that knocked back everyone but the arachnid sticking to the floor with his (still) bare feet.

"It's been fun gentlemen, and lady," he gave a quick nod in the scowling women's direction, "but I unfortunately must leave, due to," another gun shot ricocheted off the steel metal support beams, narrowly missing his head as he ducked it to the side, "extenuating circumstances. So, in the words of the French, I must now bid you all adieu~" Spiderman said cheekily, bowing as he flipped backwards out of the whistling door, laughter still ringing as the door slammed shut.

* * *

Peter soon learned that, no, spiders were not meant to fly. The thought occurred to him somewhere between the frantic screaming and the panicked flailing his body was now doing. The more rational side of his brain aimed his arm at the bottom of the jet and let loose a line of webbing, sticking to the hull of the ship and rocking it sideways as Spiderman's body swung to and fro.

He briefly wondered if that was the Tarzan theme song or just the ringing in his ears.

Glancing down, Peter bit back a curse as he saw the Helicarrier slowly drifting farther and farther away.

"Haha, um, it's okay, I've got a plan," Peter lied to himself through gritted teeth, muffling another curse as the ship began rapidly gaining altitude. "Er, new plan. Ok, Spidey sense, don't fail me now."

And Peter dropped.

* * *

May Parker had been many things in her life-anxious was usually not one of them. Even as she closed her eyes, enjoying a rare moment of peaceful bliss, she let her mind wander as she absentmindedly rubbed her silent cellphone between her fingers. Call her paranoid, but she had been feeling like something was going to go terribly wrong all day. The phone call to Peter had alleviated her anxiety for a few hours, but now it was back in full force-a little something her nephew liked to call "mother-henning".

Nonetheless, she was rather enjoying herself-it wasn't often she got to travel across the wonderful, glistening shores of California and lounge around in a billion dollar glass building, sorry, home. Her bags were in an upstairs room that had apparently built for her upon learning that she would be visiting (which was worth 5 stars in her book), a fact that had made her blush to no end upon hearing it.

Sighing, she got up from where she had been laying on the bed-it was possibly the best bed in the whole world-and slipping on a pair of flip flops. Phone still in hand, she opened the door and made her way down stairs, holding onto the clear glass rail as she observed the high ceiling above her. All the windows were open, letting in the soothing sound of crashing waves. Seagulls called in the distance, and the sun softly shone down on her face. She was feeling better already. Maybe this clear weather was what she needed after all. If only Peter could have come with her.

The house, while empty, still felt lived in. Random pieces of metal were scattered across a desk, and a blanket was stowed over the back of the white couch. Several pairs of shoes were haphazardly tossed under a bench by the front door, and the mantel was home to a pair of picture frames. May smiled as she recognized the people in them.

Glancing at the stairs leading down another level, she frowned slightly, wondering where Peter's Uncle had gone off to. Most likely to tinker again.

Sighing fondly, she opened one of the doors leading outside, taking a seat in one of the lounge chairs set out. Might as well enjoy the view while she waited.

"Feeling alright there, May-May?" a man's voice asked, startling May out of her accidental slumber. She must have fallen asleep while waiting.

Laughing, she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, glancing up at her daughter-in-law's cousin. "After all these years, you still call me that infernal nickname?"

"Well, someone has to have a sense of humor in this family," he joked, dramatically posing like a Shakespearean actor.

"Oh, stop that, you," she swatted his hand amongst his snickering, rolling her eyes. "Respect your elders."

"Only by, like, 20 years," he said with a grin, plopping down in the chair beside her. "So where is Peter Pan? I thought I was finally going to meet my nephew-cousin? Family relations are way too complicated."

May sighed, accepting a glass of iced lemonade he pulled from who knows where. "Well, you know how it is. He was swamped by homework, playing video games, and laying in bed."

He grinned, "Understandable. So, how's he faring in the wonderful age of high school?"

"Well, to tell you the truth, I'm not really sure," May frowned. "He has almost perfect grades, but I never see him at home, and I've certainly never met any of his friends, except Harry. I do wonder where he goes all that time. No teenager could possibly be at the library all that time-"

A loud beep interrupted her, and the man grinned sheepishly at her, holding his Stark phone up to his ear. "Ya?"

"We need you to come in, there's a slight problem here at HQ."

"Say no more, be there in," he glanced down at his watch, "5 minutes."

Hanging up the phone, he gave May an apologetic smile. "Duty calls, I'm afraid. Pepper will be here soon, though, so she'll keep you company until I get back-sorry about that."

May waved her hand, "Go, go save the world. This old lady will be just fine on her own."

He inclined his head, his signature play boy smirk making an appearance. "In that case, Jarvis, get me prepped."

 **A/N**

 **If you don't know who Peter's 'Uncle' is by now…well. We will be having some words. Anywho, I'm sorta back? Make sure to bug me if I, like, disappear for two months or something. Hope you enjoyed the chapter! :)**

 **...Lemme know how it was? (*cough*REVIEW*cough*)**

 **AND if you're as much of a nerd as I am, guess the title meaning/history (*hinthint*).**

 **Kisses!**

 **Alyss**


	5. A Family Reunion

**A/N**

 **So soon, you ask? Well, for me, anyways. Anywho, I got free time so I got inspired. Sue me. Actually don't.**

 **Um.**

 **Let's just get to the story. Enjoy! (As always, feedback is very readily welcomed).**

 **Disclaimer: No duh.**

 **Chapter 5**

 **A Family Reunion**

Hands slammed down on the thick metal table, making Spiderman jump. "You lost them," Fury growled, "you disobeyed my direct orders, and then you lost them. Has SHIELD training taught you nothing?"

Spiderman rolled his eyes, unlatching his SHIELD watch and tossing it to the stoic man. "Ye of little faith."

Still frowning at the hero, Fury attached it to his computer (they were in his office again-Peter was pretty sure he was the only person ever to have been summoned to Fury's office twice in one day), booting the device up. Six camera windows popped up, several shaking as they appeared to be moving, and three separate trackers blinked the same location from the screen. Spiderman took his stunned silence as permission to explain.

"It's like you and Black Widow said-limited supplies means creative placement. Since I only had six invisible cameras on hand, I placed four at hidden locations on the ship, and two on the villains themselves, in case they found the others. Plus, it gives us a moving perspective and a chance at at least glimpsing who else is aboard. Two of the trackers are on the inside of the ship, one on a person and one behind the coffee machine, and the other is under the hull where I launched a web to not splat on the Helicarrier deck. That one should be the hardest to suspect, as I was kinda falling to my death, and tracker webs don't look any different from my normal ones."

Fury blinked once, slowly, before springing into action and, coincidentally, out of the room. "Hill, get Romanoff and Barton on deck, now. Trackers are on the plane, send Conner's up to get Spiderman's watch-it has the signal."

The door slammed shut behind him, and Peter sat there for a moment. Hesitantly, he shifted. The door slammed open and Spiderman yelped, springing up to the ceiling. Whoops.

Cringing, he looked down at a glaring Nick Fury. A gloved finger pointed to the chair and Peter obediently dropped into it. "Do not move from that seat, Parker-and for heaven's sake, don't you dare go looking for Banner. Now is not the time to re-unleash the Hulk."

This time, the door silently clicked behind the director, leaving a gaping Spiderman behind.

Well then.

Several hours later found Peter pouting and handcuffed to the silver spinny chair. His first several escape attempts had, obviously, failed rather spectacularly, and in the end, he annoyed the guards so much that they simply latched him to the chair and locked the door, leaving him alone. He was pretty sure they'd forgotten about him. Fury's monitor had been making an annoying pinging sound for the last 10 minutes, and Peter was bored. Boooooored. He regretted ever making fun of Sherlock Holmes. Now he fully understood the magnitude of the problem.

Frowning, he meditatively balanced on his head, shooting various webs at the handcuffs in annoyance. One of them would work...eventually. He spun the chair around, enjoying the blur of colors passing by. His head started to hurt from the pressure of him putting his full weight on it, and he sighed and slumped down on it, still upside down. He wanted to go to sleep. It had to be around nine pm, usually when he began patrol, but the long day had tired him out. Were there beds on the Helicarrier?

Putty webs, water webs, fire webs (ow), ice webs. In the end, it was the electric webs that did it, simultaneously frying the electrified wiring and Peter's eyebrows.

Crowing triumphantly, he shot to his feet. Finally, freedom! Creeping towards the door, he disabled the locking mechanism. Slowly, he twisted the handle, tensing.

Nothing happened. Grinning, the arachnid crept out of the room, making a face as he noticed the smell coming from the broken pipes.

A quick trip to the storage room had him decked out in official SHIELD agent gear, his service man's uniform cap pulled slightly lower than regulation to hide his profile from the overhead cameras. Not that anyone knew who Peter Parker was in relation to Spiderman (save Fury), but it still wouldn't be good to suddenly have a random civilian spotted aboard a flying government facility. And while he did have an excuse to be there-meeting his biological father and all-there was no way they would let him see Bruce, what with all the excitement supposedly 'dangerous', and he was probably supposed to be gone by now.

Making a pit stop at the cafeteria to pick up a tray of food and paying for it with a borrowed ID card (their badges were ridiculously easy to swipe), he continued his way down to the detention level he knew would be 'housing' Bruce.

"Food delivery," he said in a slightly lower voice, flashing his ID at the two looming guards. The one on the right inclined his head, stepping aside for Peter to scan his badge. Praying to every deity he'd ever heard of, he stepped forward, resting the thick plastic on the humming scanner. He waited for a few seconds, releasing a relieved puff of air as it beeped affirmative and slid the doors open.

Saluting the guards, he slipped inside, clutching the covered tray tightly to his chest. He jumped as a bored voice addressed him.

"What, so Fury couldn't just leave me in peace? What does he want now, me to bring Thor back to Earth?"

Grinning, Peter turned around, fully intending to fire back a Watson-worthy quip, when he noticed Bruce's predicament.

Bruce was in a glass box. Probably reminiscent of the cylinder cage they'd originally built for the same purpose. A box. A cage.

He was going to kill Fury.

"Well, I'm sure he'd like you to start by eating," Peter said with a raised eyebrow, trying painfully hard to push down the raging, upset part of him, "but I'm sure the two of us could follow up with getting you out of the box. I do enjoy making his face purple. It's a refreshing change."

Bruce jolted from where he'd moodily been sitting faced away from the door, whipping around to stare at his newly discovered son in disbelief. "Peter? What are you doing here?"

"Why, I'm the pizza delivery guy, obviously," Peter held out the dish, dramatically pulling off the lid to reveal a slice of pizza. Then he frowned, his stomach rumbling at the pleasing aroma. "On second thought, they might want to fire me. I'm gonna eat your food soon."

Bruce blinked as Peter set the meal to the side, crouching down to examine a rather large control panel. He whistled, "Now that is Stark-approved machinery. Dunno why they would bother spending so much money on this when they had a perfectly functioning medical room, but you know. Kudos to them."

Pulling off the metal paneling with ease, he began to pull apart the wires, scanning the pattern for the controlling circuit. Pulling out his backup SHIELD watch, he wired it into the system, frowning as he read out the coding.

"Peter."

Said teen stuck his tongue out slightly as he concentrated on hacking the defense system. "Peter is currently unavailable 'cause he's busy being awesome-would you like to leave a message?"

"Peter, wait a minute."

"Don't currently have a minute, thanks for asking."

Bruce let out a deep, long suffering sigh. "Peter, I'm dangerous. You shouldn't let me out."

"In that case, let me join you. Spiders are predators, highly dangerous. You never know, I might just decide to eat you."

"I threw you into a building," Bruce deadpanned.

Peter shrugged, pausing his work and spreading his arms wide. "Not like it hasn't happened before-besides, this body was built to break buildings, not the other way around."

Bruce sighed, letting his head thump against the clear glass. "You should not say that like it's normal-getting thrown into buildings is not normal. Why are you getting thrown into buildings?"

"They can't stand to look at this handsome face for too long-they don't have that kind of willpower," Peter flipped his hair dramatically, and went back to hacking. Thank his lucky stars Fury had made him take that coding course.

The door slid open.

Peter cursed his lucky stars.

* * *

"Soooooo," Peter muttered a few hours later, sitting back to back with Bruce in the small glass box. "What do you do for entertainment in here?"

Bruce sighed, shifting uncomfortably as the hastily drawn mask Peter had pulled from the uniform rubbed irritatingly against his neck. "Not much...recite chemical compounds, I guess."

Peter took another bite of the pizza Fury had thrown in with them. "That could work. Let's see. Acetaldehyde. CH3CHO. Formula C2H4O. Molar mass 44.053. Acetamide. C2H5NO. Formula-"

"How about we all stop being nerds," a voice suggested from the rafters. Peter stuck his tongue out at it, taking another bite of pizza.

"Hello, Barton," Bruce muttered, already pinching his nose to ward off the impending headache.

There was a loud thud as an arrow attached to the beam, and a following whine of metal on metal as Clint swung down from his hiding place like it was a nest. Hawkeye indeed. "Banner, why are you sitting in a box? And why is Spiderman being a nerd in a SHIELD uniform?"

"Because I decided I wanted to try it out and see if it was fun," Peter retorted. "I've decided it's not really the job for me."

Clint raised an eyebrow. "So instead you've decided to try out prison."

"Ya, Ock suggested it to me," Peter shrugged, poking the offending glass box. "Not really my thing, either."

"You know, you look kind of ridiculous with that hat ontop of your mask," Clint pointed out, resisting the urge to giggle (he was much too manly for that) as Spiderman made a face. It wasn't often he got to see the kid's facial expressions, even if it was only his mouth.

"You look kind of ridiculous wearing purple, but do any of us complain about it? No, we don't, because we are polite, civilized people."

"You don't seem British to me," Clint muttered, covering the purple uniform self consciously.

There was a drawn out sigh in the corner of the room, and Peter glanced over to see Black Widow rolling her eyes. "Sometimes I really wonder if you are an adult."

"I'm more adult-y than you," Clint stuck his tongue out at her.

Natasha raised an eyebrow. Bruce looked utterly done with the situation. It was probably a good thing Fury chose that moment to enter the room.

"I'm sitting in a box," Spiderman stated, looking utterly put out. "Why did you stick us in a box? Prison cells are fine, they look cooler. I'm in a box. Could you make my capture any lamer?"

Fury growled, "You climbed in there by yourself. That was not my doing."

Peter threw his hands up. "That's not the point! Throwing people in boxes is not cool, even if they do have temper problems. Sorry, Bruce," Peter patted his shoulder. Bruce sighed, giving his son a small grin that turned out to look more like a grimace.

"If you hadn't attempted to break him out, which I distinctly remember telling you not to do," here Fury glowered at the teen, "then maybe I would have considered moving him to a nice little room."

"As if," Peter snorted, crossing his arms with a pout. "Besides, is it really against the law to talk to my own father?"

Clint openly gaped. Natasha just shrugged her shoulders and rolled with it.

Fury sighed. "Could you not go around telling everybody that Spiderman and Bruce Banner are related?"

"Well, it's not my fault you locked us in a box, but you know how karma works. Besides, I'm pretty sure both of them already know who I am," Peter said suspiciously, pointing to the two super spies.

"You could still stand to exercise a little more caution," the director growled.

The door slid open again, and Peter hastily pulled the mask over his mouth. Tony Stark waltzed in like he owned the place, stopping short at the scene in front of him.

"Fury, why is Banner in a box? Why is _my_ science bro sitting in a box? With Spiderman, no less. No offense," the billionaire added.

Spiderman crossed his arms, upturning his nose (not that anyone could see). "Very much taken."

Fury glared at the genius. "Stark, I specifically told you to meet Hill in the main hanger. Why are you here?"

"Cause you're here. It takes a lot to move an Eisenhower from his throne," Stark shrugged, glancing at the two spies. "Clint, Natasha."

Clint waved. Natasha ignored him.

"Anyways," Tony continued, "There were several large, gaping holes that I couldn't help but notice as I flew in. What, did you have a little accident with the coffee machines again?"

Fury pinched his nose. "Stark, go up to the bridge."

Tony stuck his bottom lip out, messing with the control panel. "No need to be grateful. Not like I had a family visit to attend to, or fly across the entire U.S. Hey, what does this do?"

The glass box groaned and collapsed, leaving Peter and Bruce in open air. Spiderman shot to his feet, pulling Bruce with him and out of range of the enclosure.

"I hate you," Fury stated.

"Don't worry, the feeling is mutual," Tony patted his arm.

* * *

Fury took a step back from the debriefing table on the bridge, sighing as he took note of Parker's snoring. Bruce gently nudged the sleeping figure, jumping as Spiderman latched onto his arm sleepily. "Wat you want, 'm sleeeeeeping."

Tony snorted, already setting Jarvis on tracking the missing SHIELD ship + escaped villains, and hacking the SHIELD database. "Well, we just made a game plan, and you're not included. And why are you suddenly so interested in Banner?"

Peter groaned, moving his head from Bruce's arm to the cool metal table. "I'm very useful. You should bring me along. Also, Bruce is cooler than you."

Bruce snickered at the expression on Tony's face, giving Natasha a thumbs up as she discretely snapped a picture. Clint moodily munched on a plate of chocolate chip cookies, despairing over the lack of milk to accompany the treat.

Tony's brain seemed to start working again. "Excuse you, I'll have you know that I am the coolest, most tech savy genius you'll ever meet. Or have the privilege of meeting. Plus I'm going to be an awesome Uncle. Cousin. Thing."

"I didn't know you had any relatives," Natasha said in interest.

"Do now," Tony said. "One of whom was finally visiting me, after, like, sixteen years that Fury pulled me away from. Jerk."

Clint fell off his chair, rolling into a dark corner. The group stared as he adjusted his hearing aids. "Sorry, having a moment here," Clint finally stated, noticing their glances. "Tony. An Uncle? I pity the poor soul already."

"Technically first cousin once removed," Tony inputted. "Plus, May-May told me he was a pretty smart kid, so I think we'll get along great."

Peter silently mouthed 'May-May', gears slowly turning in his brain. He jumped as Tony whipped around, pointing a finger at him. "Don't think you're getting out of the interrogation, young spider dude. Who do you think you are to steal my best science bro?"

"His son," Peter deadpanned.

"Parker!" Fury shouted, glaring with all his might at the arachnid. Peter waved.

Tony stumbled to his feet from where he had tripped backwards onto the ground. "Bruce has a son," he yelped in a high pitched voice.

Bruce shrugged, "I only found out this morning."

"How do you not know you have a son?" Barton muttered from his corner, finding the whole situation simultaneously hilarious and irritating. Natasha silently agreed and snuck him a cookie.

"Parker?" Tony's voice cracked.

Peter smacked his forehead, pulling off the mask and stuffing it in the SHIELD uniform he was still wearing. "Whatever. Might as well tell everyone anyways. I'm Peter Parker, and I just found out Bruce is my dad, yay me, welcome to the club Stark."

Tony shrieked, making everyone jump as he lept across the table and pointed a finger in Peter's face. "Cousin! May Parker is at my house. You are my cousin!"

Peter lept to his feet, pushing a finger at Tony's chest. "What have you done with Aunt May?"

Bruce groaned and thumped his head down on the table. What even was his life anymore?

 **A/N**

 **This is my crack ending. Cause I haven't written crack in forever. And because I am eternally bored.**

Peter sighed, letting his head thump against the glass wall. "I'm so bored. Whatever shall we do? I have failed."

"I told you so," Bruce poked the kids shoulder, lying across the cool floor.

Peter let out another dramatic sigh, his hair somehow flowing in the non-existent-wind. "Father, shall we ever escape?"

"Nope," Bruce crossed his legs and attempted to do a handstand.

Peter looked out to Fury, extending a hand towards the man. "Help us, Fury. You're our only hope."

Romanoff snickered. Barton snored. Stark played with several mechanical robots he had made form the control panel.

Fury sighed and passed a hand over his eyes. "When did I open a kindergarten?"

 **Sooooo, what did you think? Suggestions? Anywho, review. Lemme know what you think! Also, I've forgotten the last few chapters, but guess the chapter title meaning :) Also, like, please tell me if anything in the story is confusing or if you have any questions or anything. I live for feedback...**

 **Thank you to all the soldiers who fought for our country and their families. Without you, we would not have the rights and liberties we do today.**

 **Alyss**


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